From: Happy hour invitations I once sent; redacted

Partners in revelry--

We now interrupt your regularly-scheduled programming to bring you coverage of one of nature's more spectacular phenomena.

As you know, the wild law student's life follows certain immutable cyclical patterns:
  • In November and April, the wild law student sequesters itself among the patchwork nestings of its textbooks in anticipation of the exam season.
  • In December, the wild law student migrates to the place of its birth. In May, the wild law student follows the migratory route of its primary prey (the greenbacked moolah clam) to more prosperous climes.
  • In August, the wild law student returns to its ancestral home in [-], where it celebrates the reunion with others of its kind in a celebratory ritual involving the copious consumption of alcohol.
  • On Thursday, the wild law student attends happy hour at [-], on [-] St., at ~5:00PM.
The same leading scientists who, living among the wild law students, have documented these innate patterns--these very same leading scientists speculate that a rare wonder of the natural world is approaching. The wild law students, typically xenophobic (and, besides that, lacking the knack for social interaction in general) will look outside their cloister for companionship when some wild anthropology students join the migratory route to Seasons for happy hour.

The reaction from the scientific community has been one of staggering anticipation. Baby turtles are beginning their inexorable crawl down the beach, and nobody is watching. Salmon are struggling upstream to spawn, and nobody cares. Even the cryptozoological community is involved: Bigfoot sightings are down 47%, and the Chupacabra slew only a quarter of its usual quota of Mexican goats. All eyes are on Seasons: the staging ground for a new natural wonder.

The anticipation is not untempered with concern, however. Many posit that wild law students will prove ill-equipped to communicate effectively with wild anthropology students. Dr. W. Blackstone, a leading expert in the field of law student research, opined that the wild law students' primary mode of communication, which turns on "being a passive aggressive, self-absorbed dick to everyone," might deter the wild anthropology students. He provided an illustrative example:

Successful communication, between wild law students:

-"Hey, how many pages was your complaint?"
-"Five or six, I think. Yours?"
-"Oh, that's great. It's so awesome that you can keep yourself to five pages. I wish I wasn't such a perfectionist; I wrote 15. It took me so long I almost didn't have time to finish reviewing all my job offers. I really envy you, that's so phenomenal."
-"Yeah, I'm so lucky. I'm also trying to kill you with my mind right now, and I'm going to send some vicious g-chat messages about you later."

The epitome of friendly law student interaction! Compare to a similar exchange, this time between a wild law student and a wild anthropology student:

-"Hey, how many pages was your complaint?"
-"Oh, I'm not a law student. I'm <so-and-so>! Pleasure to meet you."
-"You don't facilitate a comparison of our mutual accomplishments; I grow weary of your company."
-"You have successfully reinforced all lawyer stereotypes in my eyes. 'The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers!'"

How elucidating. Scientists hope that good spirits (of both the alcoholic and emotional varieties) will produce favorable results, and remind everyone to attend the spectacle, at [-], at 5PM, with probable migration to [-] to follow.

We now return you to The Real Housewives of Atlanta, already in progress.

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